I'm here this time to talk about cake. I. LOVE. CAKE. And in the last couple of years I have also come to love decorating cakes and cupcakes. Stick with me here because I promise you I am going to get all the way back around to cakes again and how they relate to my angel baby.
I know a lot of workplaces like to say "we're like family." But my no-longer-so-little place of employment really does feel like that to me now. I've been there for more than 10 years. It occurred to me recently that I have aged with my coworkers. We have celebrated weddings, babies, and returns of former coworkers. We have shared one another's sorrow in the passing of two beloved (and young!) members of our team. And we have come together more than once to care for one another for the losses of children, parents, siblings, and spouses. So when we say that our coworkers are our second family, we actually mean it.
In August of 2011 I was pregnant with Kerian. I will be honest (and this is no fault of Kerian's), the pregnancy was miserable. I was so sick, and knew that he was sick because of a congenital heart defect, but what kept powering me forward was the bliss of meeting him. It helped me get through each round of vomiting to know that soon I would be smiling down at his precious little face, holding him in my arms, and smelling his intoxicating baby scent. There is another woman at work who was pregnant with her first child around the same time that I was pregnant with Mister 10,000 Volts (Mr. 10Kv). I'm going to call her Kindred Spirit (KS). KS and I celebrated our baby showers somewhat back-to-back in the conference rooms at work. And that same woman was pregnant with her second child at the same time that I was pregnant with Kerian. I don't remember the exact birth of her son but it was in August, just like Kerian. I vaguely remember struggling with being envious of her after Kerian died because I wanted her to be happy and enjoy her baby, but at the same time I wanted so badly to hold my own darling boy in my arms. The years have passed and this same woman celebrated with me at another office-celebrated baby shower when I was pregnant with Sunshine Boy (SB).
So now to get back around to cake and why I shared all of that with you. Last October, I baked a cake for a dear, dear friend at work, and decorated it with a mermaid theme because she is really into mermaids. I was flattered to my toes when KS came up to me and asked me if I could bake a birthday cake for her daughter's birthday. I was then sad when the date didn't work out because it fell on the same day as SB's birthday party.
KS (being a kindred spirit) is a planner like me. She came around to my cubicle one day a couple of months ago and asked if I would be interested in making her daughter a "doll cake" for her 10th birthday party in October. The date is after SB's birthday and at the end of the month, so I said yes. I AM SO EXCITED. I bought myself a Barbie and am going to practice baking doll cakes until I am confident that I can get it right and not ruin some poor little girl's 10th birthday party with something off of Cake Wrecks or Nailed It! She and I have discussed it off and on and today she stopped by to show me a picture of what her daughter wants me to make. We got to talking about cakes in general and stuff I have done and I told her I had made a Minecraft-themed birthday cake for Mr. 10Kv the previous year. Her eyes lit up and she said, "My little boy loves Minecraft! Would you be willing to make him a Minecraft cake in August?" I said yes, and was secretly rather pleased to have the opportunity to try that theme again because the first time I went so far overboard with cake and icing that PF had to move the cake from the kitchen to the dining room table for the birthday party because it was so heavy.
It wasn't until the drive home tonight that I slowly came to a realization. The first thing that started my thoughts was a sign in SB's daycare that said they are planning a "graduation party" for the 3's who are graduating to "pre-K." I pondered SB turning four. And felt a twinge of sadness that kindergarten is not that far off. This of course led to me thinking about Kerian and how he would have been turning 7 this year. The same age as KS's son. It pains me that I have no way of knowing what theme Kerian would have wanted for his birthday. And it pains me that I cannot ask him, plan with him, and bake the cake of his choosing. What surprises me in all of this is that when I realized I was baking KS's son a birthday cake around the time of Kerian's birthday, I felt glad. Glad that if I couldn't bake a cake and see Kerian's face light up with a big smile at the sight of it that I could still bake a cake for KS's little boy and see his face light up. In a strange way, that cake will be extra-special to me because though it is for KS's little guy, in my heart I will be baking some love into it and decorating it with a little love in it too. That's what I call pennies from heaven.
